Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
