I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
