I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
high people should be assigned attendants
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
