dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
last night I used snow as a chaser
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
