Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
