I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
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