I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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