My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
