sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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