I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
