just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
