I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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