plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
