remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Randomize
