pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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