I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
