you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
