Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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