I wanna bring you to show and tell
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
