am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
