In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
