M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
