FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
