apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
