her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
