Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Randomize
