Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
