i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
