I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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