I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
