hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
