can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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