I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
