Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
