What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
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