im about as happy as oj after his trial
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
