So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
