I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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