I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
