i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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