How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
