using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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