What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
