I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
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I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
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I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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