I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just blew my weed a kiss
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
