His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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