Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
