My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
