Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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