I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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