I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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