We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
