So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
