I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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