that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
