and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
