Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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