fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
