I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
