Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
