I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
