Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
