This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
