just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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