it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
