My hand turned me down
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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