I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
worst night to have a conscience
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
