Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
