five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
