he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
