She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
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We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
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If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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