all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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