we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
