his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
