Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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