I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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