My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
