you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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