i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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