im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
