You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
