I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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