we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just gift wrapped bread.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
