you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
