yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
