those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
