Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
