i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
