she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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